(No) Wonder

The Ace Place

Under My Umbrella Hi (No) Wonder-ers, In addition to my mother’s birthday (Happy Birthday Ma, love you!) April 6 is also International Asexuality Day. JK Rowling, “Harry Potter” author turned full-time bigot, saw it fit to make the asexual (“Ace”) community her latest hate target.  Anyone JK Rowling dislikes

Sexy Yogi Berra

“You can observe a lot just by watching.” Hi (No) Wonder-ers, I’ve been to ten Major League ballparks. That is, if you count Comiskey New Comiskey US Cellular Field Guaranteed Rate Field Rate Field, home of the White Sox, a team that regularly strains the very definition of what

Vipers Dressed in Empaths' Clothing

Bloody urine and why women choose the bear. TRIGGER WARNING. References to sexual assault and allegations. Hi (No) Wonder-ers, There’s something to be said for the element of surprise, and for how unpleasant surprises can hit like a worse betrayal than that bite of oatmeal raisin cookie you were

I Can Fix Him (No Really, I Can)

Whoa, Maybe I Can't Hi (No) Wonder-ers, Dramatic, sweeping, highly noticeable, very visible changes make for undeniably great entertainment. It's captivating to watch untapped potential being realized before our eyes. We love seeing frogs turning into handsome princes, ugly ducklings turning into beautiful swans, ragtag groups

The Post-Decorum Era

The constraints of unwritten rules Hi (No) Wonder-ers, When I was eight years old, I devised a purely geographically objective way to determine which baseball team I should support: I opened up a map of Illinois and used a ruler to draw a line extending Interstate 290 westward. Seeing that

The Great Escape

Getting away from it all to prepare for "it all." Hi (No) Wonder-ers, Ever hear anyone say "do what you love and never work a day in your life?" And then, once you grew a bit older, realize what a hefty load of bunkum that turned

Friends Forever?

Relationships In Flux Hi (No) Wonder-ers, Not to put too fine a point on it (say I'm the only bee in your bonnet!) I've been thinking a great deal lately about friendships, relationships, and family - and how our values affect the dynamic and longevity of

Another First Time

Survivorship Intimacy Hi (No) Wonder-ers, In March 2013, on my 29 ½ birthday, I had a heart attack when my Left Anterior Descending (LAD) coronary artery became 95% blocked. Some of my readers are friends and former co-residents who, having trained with me, remember this vividly.  When you have a heart

Git Gud

Discomfort as a Skill Issue   Hi (No) Wonder-ers, On my way to the hospital for last week’s OR day, my car (a little 2019 Prius with 160k miles on it and, God willing, at least 160k more ahead of it) ran out of windshield wiper fluid. Wiper fluid is

AMFYOYO

No one’s coming to save you, reframe your cognition accordingly. Hi (No) Wonder-ers, I’ve got a few new subscribers, presumably bots, who instead of names have random combinations of alphanumeric characters. To them I say: “Beep beep boop, comrades!” Now, as for the rest of you lovely humans…

Sexual Luddites

Incorporating technology into intimacy Hi (No) Wonder-ers, The Luddites were an early-1800s English labor movement that were concerned about the possibility of losing their jobs to automation, to the extent that they would destroy new machinery in protest.  Now, 200 years later, self-service kiosks are ubiquitous… and the term “Luddite”

Who Ya Crappin'?

Honesty as a best policy for intimacy Hi (No) Wonder-ers, In the mid-to-late 1990s, the Chicago-area radio ecosystem was… something. I had a 20-minute commute across town to get to my high school, and not one radio station played music in the morning – apparently, doing so causes listeners to bleed

HeadOn

Aristotle, Kars 4 Kids, and the science of repetition Hi (No) Wonder Friends, I completed my urology residency training on the east coast, the birthplace of a repetitive jingle so infamously catchy that it became the official song of The Bad Place. Since residency, I’ve learned so much throughout

Ars Gratia Amoris

Art, Intimacy, and Self-Image Dear (No) Wonderers, I apologize for the paucity of my writing output lately. Life happens. And in the words of the ‘80s Austrian band Opus: “LIFE IS LIFE, NA-NAAA, NA-NA-NA.” What that song lacks in lyricism, it makes up for in catchiness. Now enjoy having that

Nice Guys Finish Last?

Or was Leo Durocher wrong? Hi (No) Wonder-ers, I try to be kind, attentive, and thoughtful in my relationships. Sometimes I even succeed - often enough for people to call me a "nice guy." The kind of guy that supposedly "finishes last," according to former Brooklyn

Cognitive Distortions (Taylor's Version)

Cognitive distortions explained via Taylor Swift lyrics Hi (No) Wonder-ers, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is an evidence-based psychosocial intervention focusing on the interplay between our emotions, thoughts, and actions. When patients notice adverse changes of emotion and thought, they take objective note of the event leading up to it and

On Tilt

Regulating erratic aggressiveness before it spirals Hi (No) Wonder-ers,  In a previous life I used to play poker professionally. (No I didn’t, but you should see your faces!) Anyone who has played a few hands of poker and/or watched “Rounders” knows that poker imitates life: you get dealt

Tactical Retreats

Living to Fight Another Day   Hi (No) Wonder-ers, I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, and I’ll keep saying it for as long as my Broca’s Area functions: Hustle Culture is a curse on our society and our collective wellness.  All “sleep when you’re

"I regret to inform you..."

Taking rejection in stride Hi (No) Wonder-ers,  We as a society glorify risk-taking, especially for men.  There isn’t a thing wrong with this. At least there wouldn’t be if we did a better job of mentally preparing men for the ever-present possibility of rejection. Men who are emotionally

Practical People Win

The Fun Kind of “To Do” List Hi (No) Wonder-ers, The other day I was on hold with an insurance company, which gave me a moment during which I could have done something productive.  So of course I read about Denver’s 1976 failed Winter Olympic bid. The International Olympic

After The Fall

Re-equilibrating after setbacks Hi (No) Wonder-ers, We live in a golden age of children’s books; fortunately, children’s books have come a LONG way since “The Giving Tree” left its indelible skid mark on Shel Silverstein’s legacy. One that stands out for me is Dan Santat’s “After

New Features!

The Ghost(Pro) Free Trial is Dead, Long Live the Bonus Features!   Hi (No) Wonder-ers!  I started this website on Ghost(Pro) as a free trial… which recently ended, so now I get to pay for the privilege of posting here. Unless, of course, I monetize this somehow.  Friends, please

A Cunning Linguist

Talk Wordy To Me!   Hi (No) Wonderers, The importance of communication can’t be overstated. Communication helps us to understand, and be understood. It helps us to learn, explore, and expand our horizons. It helps us to process, articulate, and satisfy our emotional and sexual needs. It helps us be

The End of Flirting?

Or have the reports of flirting’s death been greatly exaggerated?   Hi (No) Wonder-ers, I’m grateful to have been flirting exclusively with the same woman for *checks watch* 21.25 years. To be sure, it no longer looks exactly as it did when my wife and I were pre-med

Get Equipped

The fine line between "challenging" and "forced." Hi (No) Wonder-ers, The Mega Man series of games for NES never disappointed me growing up. For those who haven’t played them: Mega Man games are side-scrolling shooter games in which the player controls Mega Man, defeats Dr.