About Dr. DeBartolo

Hi there, reader! I’m Merrit (he/him).

Which is quite the name to have if you are a stuttering, perpetually sweaty, awkwardly large young human trying to survive adolescence in a Catholic school system. I never quite fit in, literally or figuratively. It bothered me that my classmates had what appeared to be meaningful friendships and relationships, while I struggled to be at peace even with myself.

Dad’s advice? “Ignore everyone, ignore the feelings, ignore that emotional relationship touchy-feely stuff. Just put your blinders on, keep getting those straight A’s, and it’ll attract all the friends and relationships you need.” I dutifully kept the blinders on, racked up more A’s than Arthur Fonzarelli, secured my full-tuition undergraduate scholarship, and even won the 2000 Illinois State Latin Championship for good measure. (Yes! That’s a thing!). But… nothing.

So I went all-in: I composed an entire page of original Latin-language pickup lines, printed it out, folded it in my pocket, and proceeded to recite them to girls whose attention I desired. To the surprise of no one but Yours Truly, it didn’t work – and my social life remained as barren and salty as Carthage after the Third Punic War.

Whatever the key was to accepting myself and developing meaningful relationships, it was not tested in school, not emphasized by family/society/religion… and DEFINITELY not on that sheet of Latin pick-up lines!

That’s when I pivoted my life’s focus to what family, teachers, and others had been telling me to IGNORE. Things people are NOT talking about. NOT encouraging. NOT emphasizing. I followed this focus into medical school, urology residency, and graduate certification in sex therapy.

Throughout my career in sexual medicine and sex therapy, I’ve listened to numerous stories of people not fitting in, doubting themselves, and suffering needlessly – invariably MUCH more so than my silly Latin pick-up line anecdote – because of gaps in knowledge, inclusivity, and emotional literacy. I’m grateful to have helped patients close these gaps and rewrite their sexual scripts into more comprehensive, inclusive, sex-positive, pleasure-focused narratives. 

But I won’t be satisfied until I can do the same for YOU.

So if your education and the advice you’ve received from family/religion/society has left you wanting for more knowledge, acceptance, validation, or fulfillment – or like something isn’t “clicking” – you are not alone. You are the rule, not the exception. You matter! And I’m glad you’re here!

Join me in cultivating affirmative, inclusive sex-positivity through scientific knowledge and emotional literacy 🫶