Ars Gratia Amoris
Art, Intimacy, and Self-Image
Dear (No) Wonderers,
I apologize for the paucity of my writing output lately. Life happens. And in the words of the ‘80s Austrian band Opus: “LIFE IS LIFE, NA-NAAA, NA-NA-NA.”
"Na-NAAA, na-na-na!"
What that song lacks in lyricism, it makes up for in catchiness. Now enjoy having that song play in your head nonstop for the next 48 hours.
Though it’s hard for me to imagine this specific one-hit wonder factoring heavily into anyone’s sexual script (and no shame if it does!), art reveals and helps shape our sexual identity, expression, scripts, and relationships in meaningful ways throughout our lifespan.
Art can reveal sexual awakenings. Representation matters. Art can provide representation that helps validate our own sexual orientation, desires, and expression as we discover these aspects of ourselves. Art can help us recognize certain aspects of ourselves, and it can give us permission to accept certain aspects of ourselves. Some of us can learn our sexual orientation by assessing our visceral, involuntary reaction to our first cinematic crush… the kind I had on Jessica Rabbit as a kid who thought Roger really outkicked his coverage.
Moreover, art’s ability to reveal a sexual awakening is not limited only to sexual orientation, but also to fetishism, BDSM, and other forms of erotic expression. For every princess Disney locks up, a dom or sub relates to this and learns about this aspect of themselves.
Syd RobinsonBuzzFeed Staff
However, art can’t turn us into something we’re not: Watching movies with LGBTQ+ representation can’t turn someone gay if they are not already so.
“Our Song” – Art can bring partners together. How many couples have “their song,” a song that may have been wildly popular and ubiquitous at the time they met, that just so happened to reflect how they feel and capture the essence of their burgeoning relationship? And that continues to represent their love and togetherness years later, once the “honeymoon” novelty wears off? My wife and I have a few. Chances are, so do you.
Art can inform our sexual script, for better or worse. The state of sexuality education in the US ranges from abysmal to nonexistent. 39 out of the 50 states require sexuality education; of that, less than half require it to be medically accurate.
https://www.plannedparenthoodaction.org/issues/sex-education/sex-education-laws-and-state-attacks
As youngsters lacking comprehensive sexuality education, we look elsewhere (read: “mainstream pornography”) for information about sexuality, the intriguing subject that none of the grownups want us to learn about. When youngsters first see pornography at the average age of 11-12, they are unlikely to have received any education on the matter. Therefore, they may take it as educational.
Amanda L. Giordano Ph.D., LPC
But mainstream pornography is meant to entertain, not to educate or represent. This places youngsters in a position where they may be consuming pornography without having a knowledge base against which to appraise it, and unironically taking it as an educational resource rather than simply entertainment. Trying to learn from materials intended to visually entertain may create erroneous preconceived notions about the nature of sexuality, the diversity of body types, and erotic expression – and these can be nearly impossible to unlearn. For instance, movies often show women orgasming reliably from intercourse despite that being the case for only 25% of women.
Michael Castleman M.A.
Mainstream pornography, and for that matter media as a whole, caters to a specific gaze and as such tends not to be representative, body-positive, or inclusive. Seeing bodies that don’t look like our own can fuel body dysmorphia that is difficult to unlearn. Despite examining dozens of healthy, normal penises any given work week, I still have a hell of a time convincing some folks that their penis is still normal despite not looking *exactly* like last year’s AVN award winner.
All of which is not necessarily to condemn pornography and media wholesale, but to encourage responsible consumption once we have a sound knowledge foundation against which to appraise it. That way, we can take it for what it is: entertainment. However, consumption prior to that point can adversely affect our sexual scripts and body image.
Art can convey feelings. A picture is worth a thousand words, right? Well sometimes, art can help us convey a message to our partners more effectively than we could on our own. This can be key for people with neurodivergence that limits verbal communication. It can also be a useful adjunct for people (often cisgender, heterosexual men) who struggle with emotionally vulnerable communication.
I can’t overstate the importance of art to our human experience. Given that our imagination is art’s only limit, it is likely that art shapes our intimacy and relationships in many ways beyond those I’ve listed above. Nonetheless, I hope that reading this can help you reflect upon the ways in which art has influenced your sexual scripts. I know that writing this did so for me.
“ ‘If music be the food of love, play on.’ -Shakespeare”
-Merrit