Practical People Win
The Fun Kind of “To Do” List
Hi (No) Wonder-ers,
The other day I was on hold with an insurance company, which gave me a moment during which I could have done something productive.
So of course I read about Denver’s 1976 failed Winter Olympic bid.
The International Olympic Committee (IOC) originally awarded the 1976 Winter Olympics to Denver, Colorado, USA. What better way to celebrate the USA’s 200th birthday and the State of Colorado’s 100th birthday? What a story! Sentimentality for the win!
Then reality set in. The Denver Olympic budget, originally $14 million, increased to $17.5 million. Then $63.3 million. When it occurred to Denver’s Olympic Organizing Committee (DOOC) that the proposed downhill ski site wouldn’t have snow, they proposed a totally realistic airborne taxi service from Denver to Steamboat Springs (160 miles away) instead. When the DOOC saw that building a bobsled track would be impossibly expensive, they proposed having bobsled in nearby Lake Placid, New York.
Costs and issues continued to pile up. The DOOC’s poor planning was exposed and they were, to borrow the words of Denver’s own The Fray, in over their head. (Obviously The Fray wrote “Over My Head” about their hometown’s failed Olympic bid, which is a totally accurate “fun fact” that I definitely didn’t just make up right now.)
Concerned citizens organized a grassroots opposition movement that ultimately ended Denver’s ill-fated, ill-advised 1976 Winter Olympic bid. The sentimentality and “feel-good-story-ness” of Colorado’s centennial and the USA’s bicentennial were not enough to keep the 1976 Winter Olympics from returning to Innsbruck, the Austrian city that had hosted the Games 12 years prior (1).
Mushy-gushy sentimentality is nice. It makes for interesting reads and entertaining movie plots. But when it comes to real-life intimacy, planning and practicality are paramount. In the words of my mother-in-law, and also Trent Reznor:
Love Is Not Enough
Without practical planning, a “meant-to-be” feel-good story can’t make intimacy or relationships happen any more than Colorado’s centennial or the US bicentennial could make the 1976 Denver Olympics happen. Lovers relying on sentimentality rather than practical realism soon find themselves in romantic situations as frustrating, exhausting, and unsustainable as bobsledding 1,875 miles away from Olympic Village.
Sitting across from your intimate partner(s) across a table while discussing current events, family events, work, finances, and other mundane “adulting” matters may not be as fun (or fun to watch!) as spontaneously clearing that table and making passionate love on top of it… but having the admittedly boring adult matters optimized is essential for creating a context allowing the latter to happen with as few distractors as possible.
Consensus among sex therapists (2) also suggests that scheduling intimate encounters can make them more likely to happen – and more satisfying once they do. This may come as a surprise to many of us who’ve been conditioned to think that sexy time demands we drop what we’re doing and jump one another’s bones in the middle of a crowded Wendy’s. But take a moment to consider how we treat the most important life events: Weddings. Graduations. Final exams. Board exams. PhD dissertations. Job interviews. Medical appointments. Court dates. Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour shows. These aren’t things we haphazardly attempt with whatever minimal energy we happen to have left at the end of the day. These are things we prioritize by setting aside a date and time in advance, and then by planning around it so as to ensure we don’t miss out. Intimate partners can prioritize and “pencil in” intimacy, which can be very helpful when all involved partners have their own separate busy lives going on. Given how busy many of our lives are and how many family/work/social obligations we have… if we don’t set aside dedicated time for intimacy, intimacy may easily fall by the wayside and simply not happen altogether.
Some may argue that scheduling intimacy may come at the expense of spontaneity or creativity. I’d have to disagree with Some on this one, as setting aside dedicated intimate time does not necessarily amount to scripting every intimate move that happens during that time. Setting aside intimate time leaves room for intimate partners to put their bodies together and enjoy what happens. The only thing that’s pre-determined is the time, but once that time comes (pun alert!) the only limits are the imagination and consent of those involved. Because the Internet loves dichotomy and struggles with the concept of “both/and,” I’ll add that scheduling sexy time does not preclude spontaneous intimacy outside the pre-determined time window. Extra credit!
Scheduling and planning intimate time windows can also leave room for a buildup of flirtatious anticipation, which has its own allure. It’s never a bad thing to have something to look forward to, especially if you’re having a rough week that’s shaping up to be quite a year.
As it turns out, scheduling isn’t just for the work meeting that could’ve been an email.
Failing to Plan is Planning to Fail,
Merrit
Jeremy Fuchs
Ashley Laderer
La Keita D. Carter PsyD., LP