Sexual Luddites

Incorporating technology into intimacy

Hi (No) Wonder-ers,

The Luddites were an early-1800s English labor movement that were concerned about the possibility of losing their jobs to automation, to the extent that they would destroy new machinery in protest. 

Now, 200 years later, self-service kiosks are ubiquitous… and the term “Luddite” is used broadly in reference to anyone who opposes technological change, the original “labor movement” sense of the term all but forgotten.

Notwithstanding the fax machine’s stubborn and inexplicable refusal to die, technology keeps marching onward – and will continue to do so, as long as there’s money to be made. 

Tech bros, often being the kind of people who’d rather invest their resources in technology than therapy, are more than happy to offer automated companionship solutions: artificial intelligence companions, sex robots, etc.

If you're looking for a black-and-white declaration like "technology is trash" or "technology is amazing and face-to-face interpersonal relationships are officially obsolete"... you won't find it here, and it won't come from me. There are, to be sure, advantages and disadvantages to the technology in question:

PROS

-Precedent: Many of the criticisms regarding sex robots are the same criticisms pearl-clutchers had about sex toys and vibrators decades ago: namely, that technology will replace human relationships and make them obsolete. This fear has yet to be realized, and we’ve also found that such intimacy aids are not mutually exclusive with thoughtful human interaction, but can help accentuate human interaction.

-Accessibility: Technology can make intimacy more accessible to disabled and/or neurodivergent people who had been historically excluded by an emphasis on physical/verbal/face-to-face intimacy. (I touched upon this in a previous installment, please see below.)

The End of Flirting?

Or have the reports of flirting’s death been greatly exaggerated? Hi (No) Wonder-ers, I’m grateful to have been flirting exclusively with the same woman for *checks watch* 21.25 years. To be sure, it no longer looks exactly as it did when my wife and I were pre-med

(No) WonderMerrit DeBartolo, MD

-Reckoning: The advent of technology can start an uncomfortable but important discussion about the nature of intimacy among partners, and the role technology plays in it. Despite being an important discussion, many people avoid it because it’s easier to blanket-blame technology than it is to talk vulnerably about the intimate desires technology may help satisfy. 

-Harm Reduction: In my graduate sex therapy classes, we discussed sex robots as a means for harm reduction among would-be victims of sex offenders. While the idea of obtaining a robot for the purposes of sexually assaulting it is… frankly disgusting, it beats an alternative where a sex offender assaults and traumatizes another human instead. Also, despite terminally-online incels "threatening" to stop pursuing and harassing human women if AI becomes advanced enough... I can see an upside to that scenario.

CONS

-Bad actors: Not only are many tech bros terrible people who suck at interpersonal human relationships, they also have a way of bringing out our worst and pitting us against one another. Distrust of their agenda is a valid reason to be skeptical of their offerings. 

Facebook and Genocide: How Facebook contributed to genocide in Myanmar and why it will not be held accountable - Harvard Law School | Systemic Justice Project

Harvard Law School | Systemic Justice ProjectSarah Rosenkrantz

Sri Lanka: Facebook apologises for role in 2018 anti-Muslim riots

An investigation found that incendiary content on the social media platform may have led to the deadly violence.

Al JazeeraAl Jazeera

-Environmental impact: AI uses a shit-ton of energy and water.

Explained: Generative AI’s environmental impact

MIT News explores the environmental and sustainability implications of generative AI technologies and applications.

MIT News | Massachusetts Institute of TechnologyAdam Zewe | MIT News

-Sketchy AI ethics: AI gleans its information from the internet, often without creators' consent.

Is A.I. Art Stealing from Artists?

According to the lawyer behind a new class-action suit, every image that a generative tool produces “is an infringing, derivative work.”

The New YorkerKyle Chayka

-Reinforce unhealthy narratives: The ready availability and mutability of AI companionships may hinder our self-reflection and self-improvement processes. If we have legitimately problematic relationship narratives that infringe on other people’s autonomy (e.g. “the woman should obey the man no matter what”), we may be tempted to program AI to accommodate this, rather than do an honest introspection to unpack and address this.

Thus intimate relationship technologies are neither the greatest thing since sliced bread, nor humanity’s worst scourge since Haribo Sugar-Free Gummi Bears.

Technology, in sexuality and in life, can be used responsibly or irresponsibly. Technology and face-to-face interpersonality needn’t be mutually exclusive, and we needn’t throw the champagne out with the cork in appraising the intimate value of technological advances. Thoughtful consideration and honest, open communication as to how technology fits into one’s intimate repertoire can help inform a comprehensive, balanced “both/and” approach to intimacy.

Technologically Yours,

Merrit