Sexy Yogi Berra
“You can observe a lot just by watching.”
Hi (No) Wonder-ers,
I’ve been to ten Major League ballparks. That is, if you count Comiskey New Comiskey US Cellular Field Guaranteed Rate Field Rate Field, home of the White Sox, a team that regularly strains the very definition of what constitutes a “Major League” baseball team. So maybe it’s actually nine. However, because I went to Rogers Centre for an important non-baseball reason (i.e. to see Taylor Swift), that brings my count back up to ten. So I’m going with ten. Final answer.
Anyway.
Far and away, the least hospitable venue was Yankee Stadium – and it wasn’t even particularly close. If you’re considering going to Yankee Stadium wearing the visiting team’s colors, I have important advice for you: don’t. Yankee fans welcome visiting fans the way celiac patients’ immune systems welcome gluten.
However, the franchise does have redeeming qualities.
Like Yogi Berra.
Yogi Berra was a true icon. Hall of Famer, and arguably the GOAT at the catcher position. 18x All-Star. 3x MVP. Caught three no-hitters, including Don Larsen’s perfect game in the 1956 World Series. By the end of his playing career, he had as many World Series rings as fingers. Then he won three more as a coach, for good measure. He befriended MLB’s first black and Latino players, championed inclusion and diversity in sports, and earned the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Oh, and he also earned a Purple Heart while serving in the US Navy during the D-day invasion of Normandy.
In a world starved for wholesome male role models, one could do much worse than Yogi Berra.
Notwithstanding all his badassery, Yogi was by all accounts a kind and approachable guy. The kind of guy who didn’t take himself as seriously as he took his craft. The kind of guy who would say seemingly nonsensical things that turned out to be sneakily profound:
“It ain’t over till it’s over.”
“It’s déjà vu all over again.”
“When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”
“The future ain’t what it used to be.”
“If you don’t know where you’re going, you‘ll end up someplace else.”
“Never answer an anonymous letter.”
“If the world were perfect, it wouldn’t be.”
“You can observe a lot just by watching.”
That last one, in particular, is gold. You could react as my nine-year-old did and say “OMG that’s silly! ‘Observing’ and ‘watching’ are the SAME. THING.” Or you could, as I did, take it as wisdom that we can learn a great deal, without needing to be specifically told, by simply observing. You don’t lead multiple World Series winners or stay happily married for 65 years, as Yogi did, by letting others around you carry the mental load all the time.
Observation is becoming a lost art as increasing pace and volume of human interactions, increased number of distractions, increased chronic existential stress, and increased workload offer less time for us to be mindful of our surroundings and routines. However, honing our observational powers confers an important interpersonal benefit.
Decreasing mental load. Mental load refers to the behind-the-scenes cognitive and emotional work needed to manage people, relationships, and households. Mental load is the cerebral effort used to discern and articulate what needs doing in domestic life. This is why many well-intentioned “helpful husbands” aren’t as helpful as they think they are; while carrying out others’ instructions may have its own value, it does nothing to decrease the mental load of determining what domestic tasks need doing… and sometimes, may even increase the work burden. (In the DeBartolo family we call this “help dish” because when my older sister was little, her efforts to clean dishes created more work for mom.) Just in case you’re like I once was and wondered why my “helpfulness efforts” were sometimes not as well received as hoped or expected.
Trauma and c-PTSD can be a double-edged sword when it comes to our ability to be observant, as trauma responses can make us become hypervigilant or dissociate completely. These responses persist long after the trauma, and long after any survival advantage they may have. Some of us, through no fault of our own, may have a harder time assessing our surroundings – especially if those surroundings were frequently unsafe while we were growing up. We may either over- or under-notice details about our surroundings, depending on which was more conducive to our survival as children. If noticing every detail helped spare a kid the brunt of abuse, that kid likely becomes a hypervigilant adult. Conversely, if a kid has to dissociate or practice escapism in order to get their homework done in a loud and chaotic home environment, that kid will likely have a hard time taking their blinders off once they become an adult whose home life no longer requires them (that kid is me, BTW). Identifying our trauma responses can help us thoughtfully appraise everything we notice/don’t notice, and help us develop appropriate observational skill.
Some folks who struggle to be observant or remember things might do well to use technology as an aid. If your loved one(s) identify a particular area of improvement or casually offer some insight that might later prove useful (“I wish…” “It would be nice if…”), your phone’s Notes App (or, failing that, a cocktail napkin) may be your friend. People often surreptitiously tell us what they want without being asked, and people often volunteer their desires without intentionally doing so. Making a note of these disclosures can spare you having to ask another person what they want, and them the mental load of having to tell you what they want. Just because someone isn’t telling you what they want, doesn’t mean they aren’t telling you what they want.
Wait, did Yogi Berra say that? It’s hard to tell, because even he admits that “I didn’t say most of the things I said.”
Even though mandatory online-based “mindfulness modules” have made mindfulness a four-letter word in healthcare circles, I regret to inform you that mindfulness does have proven benefit here. Stopping a moment to hear the pitter-patter of the April showers outside your window, seeing the water vapor lift up off the white porcelain coffee mug, feeling the gentle warmth of the coffee mug in your hand, smelling the slightly nutty bouquet of the coffee as it hits the olfactory nerve, and tasting that slightly bitter caffeine-y goodness on your tongue… documenting and acknowledging the senses all serve as an exercise that helps hone our observation powers in our day-to-day life. Mindfully noticing things helps you pay attention to things. Doesn’t that also sound like something Yogi might say?
It ain’t over till it’s over,
Merrit
https://www.advocate.com/sports/2015/9/23/yogi-berra-baseball-legend-and-lgbt-ally-dead-90
Bill Madden,New York Daily News, Times Herald-Record
Joe Navarro M.A.