The Post-Decorum Era
The constraints of unwritten rules
Hi (No) Wonder-ers,
When I was eight years old, I devised a purely geographically objective way to determine which baseball team I should support: I opened up a map of Illinois and used a ruler to draw a line extending Interstate 290 westward. Seeing that my hometown was south of this line, I decided that the White Sox were my team.
Strong work, eight-year-old me. Bravo.
Before the 2024 White Sox made history with their futility, they had a very brief contention window from 2020-2021. Blink, and you could have missed it. Four years of tanking for two first-round postseason wins. Such is the squeeze-to-juice ratio inherent to this fandom.
And who better to lead that diverse young, contending team than… Tony La Russa? I mean, the guy is a “Hall of Famer Baseball Person” and will admit to the same once he’s had a few drinks… but the police officer who stopped him for a DUI didn’t seem too impressed with those credentials.
Monday-morning quarterbacks can choose from plenty of “jump the shark” moments when the White Sox contention window closed. One of them was in May 2021 when catcher Yermin Mercedes, who had been enjoying a successful start to the 2021 season, was playing in a game that the White Sox were leading 15-4. On a 3-0 count, with a position player pitching, Mercedes swung at 47 mph pitch – and hit a home run that traveled 429 feet at a 109.3 mph exit velocity. 16-4 White Sox.
Now I’m no “Hall of Famer Baseball Person,” but I understand baseball to be a game where a team wins by scoring more runs than the other team. And this scored runs for the White Sox. Surely, any manager should be pleased with such a run-scoring effort. Right?
Yet “Hall of Famer Baseball Person” was not happy about it. He was actually pissed off about it. He scowled at his player and referred to his player’s run-scoring swing as “a mistake.” La Russa APOLOGIZED to the opposing team for this.
APOLOGIZED. To the other team.
Shit then, why don't we just apologize to the Astros and Angels for 2005 while we're at it? ("Sorry about Paul Konerko's grand slam.")
Apparently, swinging on a 3-0 count during a blowout is frowned upon. It’s one of baseball’s Unwritten Rules.
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It's considered a breach of decorum, as if decorum hadn't already jumped the shark the moment a position player started lobbing 47 mph meatballs in the general direction of home plate.
So… yeah, Yermin. How dare you score runs for your team in a game you win by scoring more of them than the other team does. How very dare you.
The Yerminator was never quite the same after that, as the whole Unwritten Rules Kerfuffle seemed to take the wind out of his sails. He struggled after that, to the tune of a .207 OPS. (For you non-baseball types… that’s bad.)
2 months later he abruptly retired via Instagram post: “It’s over.”
Thus ended the run for an energetic player on an energetic young team, thereby slowing the momentum of both. But hey, at least Mr. Hall of Fame Baseball Person had a chance to get up on his high horse and sanctimoniously Bible-thump those Unwritten Rules!
Take another look at these Unwritten Rules of Baseball. Go on, take a look.
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All these unwritten rules have one thing in common:
They are stupid as fuck and make zero sense.
Not one of them contributes meaningfully to a baseball team’s stated goal of scoring more runs than the other team.
Some of them are, in fact, antithetical to this goal.
Now, take a moment to reflect upon the Unwritten Rules in our daily lives. Some of them make sense, and as such are worth following:
-Wait your turn in line.
-Clean up after yourself.
-Wear headphones when talking on your phone or listening to Nickelback in public.
-Don’t microwave fish in the office microwave.
-Stand on the RIGHT side of the airport conveyor belt so people can pass on the left.
And then some don’t.
-Don’t discuss money, religion, or politics.
-Any work attire other than a suit and tie is “unprofessional.”
-Speak no ill of the dead, regardless of how much harm they caused others while alive.
-A Real Man™ doesn’t cry, or show emotion, or eat soup, or listen to Celine Dion, or wear pink bowties, or have long hair, or drink fruity drinks, or eat bananas, or use an umbrella, or clean the house, or wipe their ass, or wash their butthole, or pee sitting down, or have oral sex with women, etc.
(Seriously, all of these are Unwritten Rules of Masculinity that apparently get told to impressionable youngsters!)
https://www.instagram.com/mattxiv/p/DBj70xFBv0I/?hl=en&img_index=10
Any rules, but especially Unwritten Rules, are worth questioning in order to assess whether they are truly worth following. Why does the Unwritten Rule exist? Where did it come from? Whom does it benefit, and at whose expense? Is it consistently and equally enforced, or are some people exempt - and if so, who's exempt?
If there’s no logical basis for an Unwritten Rule beyond “that’s the way it’s always been” or “that’s just the way it is,” then at best it is the foolish consistency that Ralph Waldo Emerson warned us about.
At worst, it is often a way for historically favored groups (read: wealthy straight able-bodied neurotypical white men) to impose their sensibilities on others. There’s no reason why it’s “impolite” to discuss finances with coworkers, other than the possibility of exposing pay inequity that might – GASP! – force employers to have to pay everyone equally. Quelle horreur! There’s no rhyme or reason to why ties, crew cuts, and clean-shavenness are “professional” while dreadlocks, afros, dyed hair, tattoos, and beards aren’t – other than that the former is what rich straight white dudes have historically preferred. And the Unwritten Rules regarding women in the workplace? Well, I’ll defer to America Ferrera on that one:
Living while female. Challenge level: impossible.
Given powerful people’s love affair with unwritten rules and the role of “professional” optics in social function and upward mobility, it can be a delicate balance deciding which Unwritten Rules are worth following or not. Knowing the reason (or lack thereof) behind Unwritten Rules can help us know which rules are worth following, and which battles worth picking, in relationships and in life. Thoughtfully do what you must in order to preserve your life and livelihood.
Nonetheless, it's worth questioning how much use we have for pearl-clutchy decorum during a time when so many people are wearing "FUCK YOUR FEELINGS" merch.
Question Everything,
Merrit